Critters in the House

I love my house. It's small, cozy, has an awesome fireplace and is kind of nestled in a small patch of woods. It also attracts the most diverse pack of creatures!! Here are the animals that have been spotted outside: deer, racoons, a red fox, ducks, wild turkeys, skunks, and a coyote along with the typical birds and squirrels.
Little did I know that one day, I'd have an uninvited guest in here. Back in March, I woke up to a strange scratching/rattling noise coming from downstairs. Now, my daughter is very arts oriented and my first thought was that she was there weaving a potholder on one of those metal looms. When I got up to go to the bathroom, I noticed that her door was closed. Huh- strange. As I was in the bathroom, I heard it again. I leaned out, looked in towards the living room and saw that the curtain was moving quickly back and forth. Something was behind it. A bird? A chipmunk?
GAH!!! My heart started to race, I felt blood rush into my head and I ran back into my room. I got dressed super fast, and went to wake up the kids. I told them we had a critter in the house, that everything would be ok, get dressed, and wait for me. As I went back into my room, I glanced down the stairs and there it was. A squirrel. Holy crap, there was a squirrel in my house. What the heck do you do? So I called my mom. She told me to call the police/animal control. I did, and the lady dispatcher laughed at me. Nice. But she did put me in touch with a nice guy from animal control who also giggled at me but told me, "It's more scared of you than you are of it, blah, blah." Yeah right. He told me to just open the door and that it would just go right out. Huh. So I got the kids into the bathroom, they got washed up, I asked my son to cover me like they do in the army and he's like- "No- you're on your own!" So, I ran down the stairs, made lots of noise, opened the door and then the screen door and made it outside. To be continued...