Here we go- Christmas Eve tomorrow! I get so anxious worrying about the gifts I am giving and the ones my kids will get. I know that all of my family members care and put thought into what they buy, but I still get so nervous that someone will be disappointed. Expectations are always so high! "I can't wait for Christmas!! I'm going to get so much stuff!" I hear this and dread it. I'm sure everything will end up OK, but I still feel like if it's not perfect, it's all for nothing. One thing that I am proud of is the decision I made long ago not to lie to my kids that Santa is real. They have known from the beginning that people who love them are the ones that give them gifts. I also told them that it is not their place to tell anyone from school or activities that still believes in Santa that he is not real. They are pretty cool about it, and I love that! I remember feeling DEVASTATED that
"Mykolaj" was my parents!! My friend broke it to me at some Plast event. She said, and I remember it like it was yesterday, "Did your mom bring your present?" and I was like, "Huh?" and she says, "You know that your mom is Mykolaj! He's not REAL!!"
and I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach. I never wanted my kids to feel like that. Don't worry, I don't blame anyone for perpetuating the story. I guess it's fine for most, but it can be a real powderkeg. And I always worry that the expectations of perfect family togetherness are high as well. I can't say that during my marriage Christmas time was particularly special, or romantic or loving, like it tends to be portrayed on TV and seasonal movies and specials. That is probably the saddest part, that my expectations lowered themselves rather early so that I wouldn't end up curled in a ball crying my eyes out. On that note, I do genuinely wish you all a Merry Christmas, and I hope that your holiday lives up to your expectations!