Ukrainian school was cancelled today. Kind of yay, but now it means we have to go until June instead of the middle of May. Boo. My ex came to take my son to hockey, and I actually went back to bed. Got up when they came back home. He left, then I had kind of a BS/non-day. It was misting outside, I was groggy, kids were meh. We've been home so much that this wasn't any sort of treat. Ex comes back around 3:15. Whenever he's here, I make myself scarce. I usually end up in my room, waiting until he leaves. I feel awkward IN MY OWN HOUSE whenever he's here. So, I'm watching a movie, listening to the three of them goofing around and then I hear dad say to my son- "Ok, get your stuff together! Time to go!" And I'm like, what?
My son was supposed to have a hockey game tomorrow but it was cancelled. Dad stays in a hotel on days like this, and everytime my son stays with him because he hates it here, but now there was no reason for him to stay. So I run down and say- "What's going on? Why do you still have a hotel room?" (He never tells me anything!) He BS's that he couldn't cancel cause he reserved it on Hotwire. So, he's spending $$ on a hotel room for no reason. He's going to do it next weekend for my daughter's birthday, and the weekend after that when my son's game is supposed to be replayed. For someone who wanted to get out of here, someone who so hated his life here that he left, he is here an awful lot. And it's going to bankrupt us as well. But that isn't the worst of it. Later, I hear him say, "Go say goodbye to your mom." I hear my son come upstairs and he barely leans in the room and says, "We're leaving," and he turns away. I say- "Whoa, isn't there something else you should say?" and he GROANS and mumbles "bye..". Wow, that's just effing great. It is astounding to me that my child could HATE me so much. He is just 10, and he absolutely HATES me. Next to feeling like a total failure that my marriage crashed and burned, this is the worst part. I bust my ass for him, I am here for him, and he hates me. I don't know if you can imagine this kind of pain.