Sunday, January 30, 2011

Bad/Worse

Yesterday my daughter went to a teammate's house for a pizza dinner. This girl's parents invited the three girls that are on the 2 relay teams, plus their families.
This family is so nice, so friendly, I almost feel like my cynical self doesn't even belong in the same city as them. I was going to take my son also, but he decided to stay home with his visiting dad and play with the ever-malfuntioning snow blower. So my daughter and I went, and she had a lovely time. She got to be with her teammates/friends in a non-pool environment, and I didn't have to cook. Of course, I was the only single one there. Three couples, and me. I felt like a total loser. No one made me feel this way, I just did. I'm not a big drinker, but all 6 of them partook in wine or vodka. They were chatty, loud, telling stories of their families, their kids' deliveries, their lives here, and all I could do is just sit there and nod. Now, I'd like to think I am a decent storyteller, but I just had nothing to say in this environment. I wanted to die. We had pizza, and dessert, and I just kept looking at the clock, wondering when I could leave and not seem rude or have my daughter feel jipped. A little before 9:00, I got her and told her it was time to go. She was ready, and we began to say our thanks and goodbyes. The hostess/mom got the rest of the cake that I brought, my daughter and I thanked them, and as I turned to go, I got one last glimpse of the scene: 6 good looking, in-love, happy, gregarious people laughing in the kitchen, a warm fire in the fireplace, 9 kids running around, and me, exiting into the cold night about to drive to my house where my estranged husband is probably sitting watching TV with our son. I "quiet cried" all the way home.

The "Worse" will be covered tomorrow...

4 comments:

  1. Was it all just "couples" talk, or did you just not feel like you were fitting in?

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  2. Well, a bit of both. You know how couples have their own language, their own BODY language, just this rapport? It was like that. They were all nice, and it's not like I didn't talk at all, but the chasm had never been as glaring to me as it was Saturday night.

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  3. Things aren't always what they seem, you know. This isn't to diminish what you feel, just to add more perspective. I am sure they have their own laundry, if you know what I mean. I hope this makes you feel a bit better.

    Furthermore, I can totally relate to being the singleton at a couples get-together.

    And one more thing: I am certain they didn't view you as a "loser" but, like everyone else who knows you, they probably see you as an exceptionally strong and beautiful woman!

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  4. Oh, I know that what you see isn't always what you get. But what I'm seeing still makes me jealous and melancholy. Thank you for your kind words!!

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